


Heuristics

by cortchuzska



Series: Dornish wit [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2012-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-11 14:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cortchuzska/pseuds/cortchuzska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>What to do when the hat sorting algorithm doesn't work as expected?</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heuristics

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Five People Who Were Dissatisfied With Their Sorting and One Who Was Right Where He Wanted to Be](https://archiveofourown.org/works/438649) by [Essie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Essie/pseuds/Essie). 



Gods be good, _Hufflepuff_.  Hufflepuff! Had the sorting hat taken leave of its wits? Oberyn Martell sat dazed at his House bench in Hogwarts hall.

Even worse than Gryffindor, at whose table Ned Stark and his friend Rob Baratheon were loudly cheering, where belonged dolts who would charge a dragon with a blunt broomstick, without even stopping to poison the tip beforehand. He was almost positive about Slytherin, had not been for Ravenclaw – he had a bookish penchant. Certainly not Gryffindor.

He had not even _considered_ Hufflepuff, the House for prim pimply maidens and shy boys who would stutter and blush as red as Dornish sour in the off chance a girl would speak to them.

Hufflepuff! He could never come back to Dorne. Even _Doran_ had made it into Slytherin; and hopeless losers, who would die a sword in their hand, such as Arthur Dayne, ended up in Gryffindor.

A blonde haired boy slumped on the bench beside him, sneering “The hat is in a droll mood today, Martell, as it seems.”

Indeed. Jaime Lannister was so Gryffindor he made him sick. He poured him a goblet of pumpkin juice; despite his taunts, the lad was as dejected as he felt.

“My father will disown me.” He muttered. “ _At least_ Gryffindor, he would say.”

Wait – there was still a faint hope. “What about your sister?”

Cersei Lannister was Jaime's outrageously gorgeous twin, and if he had been sorted into Hufflepuff, she could as well. Lannister gloomily pointed his empty goblet at the Slytherins. Cersei was beaming in her House colours, perfectly matching her emerald eyes, and winked shamelessly at Rhaegar Targaryen, by the Ravenclaws' table. Heedless of her brother's murderous stares, she purposefully avoided looking at their benches.

Slytherin: that was definitely the House to go; Ravenclaw would do, but no one would ever waste a cursory glance on Hufflepuff. His years at Hogwarts were going to be dreadfully long.

A chubby fellow sat across them, grinning widely. Jaime and Oberyn traded an askew glare. Mace Tyrell. Seven save us, that halfwit of Mace 'Rosy Dopey' Tyrell. And his jokes about Dorne.

He cheerfully greeted them. “That's funny. Do you know how many Dornishmen -”

“Does it takes to kick your ass?” Oberyn drawled. “Do you really want to know, Tyrell?”

Macey sheepishly gaped.

Oberyn made quickly up his mind, and laid casually his arm on Lannister's one, stroking absently his hand. “We ought to do something about it.”

Jaime stared at him. The hat was certainly wrong. Only a Gryffindor could be as honourably dumb as not to get the hint.

His long, tapering fingers went on working over Jaime's palm. “Something to get us expelled, Lannister. Soon."

 

**Author's Note:**

> To me Oberyn _is_ Hufflepuff. The reasons why:  
>  1."EEEEELLLLLLIIIIIAAAAA! "  
> 2.“make me laugh, write me songs, care for me when I am old and sick?” That's fluffy and Hufflepuff as any.  
> 3.milking vipers with Tyene. And Arianne, Garin, Sarella... (the Queenmaker)  
> Just picture it (AU - contemporary setting)  
> “Tyene, let's go milking vipers. Of course, you may bring your cousin. Garin! How are you, man? Anyone else coming? Sarella, there you are! Is everybody ready? On board, crew!”  
> A few miles after...  
> “Dad, we are getting bored. Tell us a story!”  
> “Allright. Once upon a time, there was a dog -”  
>  _screech_  
>  “Bugger! The dog. WE FORGOT THE DOG!”


End file.
